RaPUNzel
by knives4cash
Summary: Yang's hair is getting too long. Blake tries to cut it. Hilarity ensues.


Part thirty-seven of my RWBY series "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose"

A/N: Before you read, my loyal audience, I request that you listen to this: watch?v=otX2Qk0nBCY

* * *

A cool summer breeze gently roles through the open window. I sigh. Homework. Homework never changes. Oh, how I long for the days of ignorance, wherein I was blessed with such heavenly treats like the peaceful "Nap Time," and the cookie filled "Snack Time," and the bonding I did with friends long forgotten from "Recess". Looking up from my sheet of logarithms and across the foldout table set up in the middle of our dorm, I see that Weiss is equally perturbed by the mathematical proofs.

"Psst." I covertly whisper to her, immediately drawing her attention.

"Swamped?" She asks, raising an eyebrow and a smirk. Upon seeing my meek little nod of admission, she scoffs. "I assume you want to take a break?" She asks, putting down her pencil and leaning back. As she stretches her arms, she yawns and confesses, "I am not adverse to such a deviation."

Yay! She's not going to play the ruthless commandant this time! "Awesome!" I exclaim with joy as I slam my pencil down on the table and leap up from my chair. "Then let's break like there's no tomorrow!" I declare, raising an arm triumphantly in the air.

Weiss shakes her head with a soft laugh. "Which, on an unrelated note, is when our homework is due." She stands up and takes my raised hand in her own. "So, let's not engage in anything that might result in our undoing." She gently cautions me as she trails her fingers over my palm.

"Ugh." I groan, shoulders deflating. No sexy time for Ruby today. Still, I apply my second hand to hers. "Mixed signals much?" I ask with a pout.

"I have 'Be A Good Girl' cookies in the fridge." Weiss informs me.

Uh-oh. "H-hey." I chuckle as my cheeks begin to flush. "About that."

She frowns and pulls her hands away from mine and places them on her hips. "Do I need to put a lock on that thing?"

"Only if you want to put a lock on my heart." I quip back, smirking as she groans and roles her eyes.

"Let's take a walk." She offers in compromise.

I swing around the table and take her right hand in my left hand. "It's a good thing we're both wearing boots." I declare with my signature bright smile as we move to the door.

Just as I reach for the handle, it bursts open, and Yang slams into both of us.

"AGH!"

"EEEK!"

"AKAGAGABLARGAWURAG!" Yang screams as the three of us spiral down to the floor and slam into it with the force of a thousand sentient cookies.

"YANG!" Weiss shrieks as she struggles to push the bigger girl off of us. "What are you-MMPH!" Yang puts a hand over her mouth. Well, it looks more like IN her mouth.

"SHHH!" Yang whisper shrieks as she leaps off of us and spins around, shutting the door and locking it. "I'm not here, okay?!" She pleads as she vaults over our still-prone bodies and dashes around to the closet and shutting herself inside. Huh, Yang's almost never run from anything. There was that time when- no, that's not fair. She was young and needed the money.

Weiss and I quickly get to our feet and dust ourselves off. "What's going on?" Weiss whispers to me.

"How should I know?" I whisper back.

"She's your sister." Weiss states as she pokes me in between my breasts to emphasize her point.

"Well, she's YOUR sister-in-law!" I whisper and poke her back.

"Future, not yet, soon-to-BE sister-in-law." Weiss corrects as she crosses her arms in defiance.

A knocking on the door interrupts our debate.

"Weiss, Ruby." It's Blake. "I require access to some of my possessions." Oh.

"Um, sure, Blake." I answer back as I unlock the door and let her in. She's holding a pair of scissors in her right hand. "What are you looking for?" I offer as I quickly move in front of her to deny access to the rest of the dorm.

Blake stops and slowly roles her eyes as she thinks aloud, "Let's see. Twenty miles of legs, a stubborn and spoiled soul, never ending lilac eyes, an endless supply of horrible puns, forty pounds of breasts, aaand-" She quickly moves past me and seizes the closet door handle. "Fifty miles of golden hair." She deadpans as she opens the door.

Weiss and I move around just in time to see Yang squished in between a radiation suit and my sexy Sailor Celestial Body outfit. Oh, shoot! I forgot to wash that!

"Yang." Blake growls as she raises the scissors. "Come out."

My sister shakes her head. "Don't wanna."

"Well you can't hide from me." Blake informs her as she places her free hand on her hip. "I can smell you a mile away. You can suppress your aura, but not your own body scent."

"Which is totally not fair." Yang scoffs as she looks away with a pout.

"Love, this madness must end." Blake takes a step forward. "You need to accept the facts." She reasons as she takes another step forward.

"What's going on?" Weiss strongly requests in a tone that demands satisfaction. I would know; she's used it in the bed plenty of times.

"Ruby." Yang looks to me and confesses, "She wants to cut my hair." WHAT?!

"NO!" I gasp and immediately grab Blake's arms and pull them behind her back.

"Et tu, Ruby?!" She growls as she immediately begins to struggle. "I just need to trim it!" She explains. As if! Sister's hair is gorgeous!

"Quickly, sister!" I shout to her, "I'm losing my grip!"

"Thanks, sis!" She darts out of the closet and runs for the window. "I'll play Careless Whisper at your wedding!" She bellows as she dives through. We're on the third floor.

Weiss leaps over to the window and sticks her head out. "Not a bad landing." She murmurs as she pulls her head back in. "Especially since she has to compensate for the extra mass in the chest."

Blake breaks my hold and moves to the window. "Weiss, are you with me or against me?" She demands as she puts on leg through the window.

"Hey!" Weiss throws her hands up. "Leave me out of your exotic foreplay!" Oooh, maybe we could do something like tha-

"Acceptable." She grunts. Pulling out a massive army green walkie talkie that looks like it was made in the seventies, she raises it to her face. "Yang has evaded capture and heading west down Main Street. Agent Pink, are you in position?"

Nora's voice crackles back, "It's Agent Lightish Red, and YES, I am in position."

"Agent Green and Agent Screw Up, converge on Agent Pink's location. We want her alive." Blake states as she gets out onto the windowsill. "Break her legs if you have to, but leave her alive." She orders before jumping down.

"That's some VERY exotic foreplay." Weiss murmurs. I look to her. She returns my gaze.

"I must go." I inform her. She grimaces. "My sister needs me."

She sighs and sits down on our bed. "Whatever."

I move to the window and duck outside. Perched on the windowsill like a humanoid arachnid, I look back to my girlfriend. "Weiss."

She gazes at me with hope. "Yes?"

"I love..." I pause for dramatic effect, because I'm Ruby Rose. "What you've done with your hair." I finish with what I can only imagine is the biggest, dumbest grin a human can muster.

Rolling her eyes, she growls, "If you don't jump, I'm going to push you."

Whelp, Ruby, you've crossed the Rubicon. The Ruby-con.

Hah.

I jump down. No fancy flips or tricks. Those are for kids. Landing firmly on my feet, I run west in pursuit of my sister.

Huh, Blake dropped her scissors on the walkway. I wonder what she intends to use to cut Yang's hai- Oh my.

Rounding a corner and skidding to a halt, I see Yang leaping about in the air as she dodges Blake's Gambol Shroud and deflects Jaune's sword with Ember and Cecil. Isn't that a bit extreme?

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Yang screams as she dodges both blades and fires back shotgun rounds.

"IF YOU DON'T LET ME CUT YOUR HAIR, YOU'LL NEVER BE TAKEN TO BED!" Blake screams back as she deflects and dodges Yang's retaliation rounds.

"WHY AM I AGENT SCREW UP?!" Jaune screams as he continues to swing his sword at Yang's hair and cowering behind his shield as buckshot ricochets off of the metal.

Ren is leaning against a tree planted a few yards away from the battle. Nora is right next to him, leaning on her hammer. The two seem to be having a good time.

This day saving is brought to us by Crescent Rose. Crescent Rose: It's also a gun. "SURPRISE ATTAAACK!" I cry out as I charge forward with my trusty blade/gun/physics defying weapon.

"Wha-" is all Jaune manages before I knock his sword away from Yang's beautiful, pretty, naturally curly, don't be too jealous, Ruby, hair. "Blake, help!" He squeals, staggering back as I pound away at his shield.

"Thanks again, sis!" Yang shouts as she jumps up, planting her boots firmly on top of blondy boy's head and leaping up into the air.

KRAK-OOOW!

A shot rings through the air. As Yang begins to fall to the ground, almost the entirety of her hair is cut away and bursts into a massive explosion of golden fluff.

"ACK!" She wheezes out as she hits the pavement. Her hair slowly floats down and lands around her.

"Woah." is all I can manage as I drop to my knees, Crescent Rose all but abandoned. No one's been able to cut her hair since the Great Mistake.

"Great shot, Pyrrha!" I hear Nora shout behind me. Yang looks so strange without her luscious locks of naturally curly hair.

About three hundred meters down at the end of the road, perched at the top of Beacon's stone statue, a small red figure stands up and waves back.

"Cut it a bit close." Blake murmurs as she comes up to Yang's fallen corpse. "I was going to leave seven inches, but I suppose two inches will prevent cowlicks." She reasons as she runs her fingers through Yang's new boy cut.

Without so much as a sniffle, Yang slowly sits up and feels around her head.

Blake withdraws her hands and stands up. "On the bright side, you won't have to worry about my harassing you for the next seventeen years." She informs her girlfriend with such a monotone voice. "And I won't have to hire out such expensive mercenaries."

"Hey! YOU wanted US to fight Yang Xiao Long!" Nora exclaims as she saunters over, hammer in her hands and Ren behind her. "That's suicide for your average bloke!"

"Especially with her kind of teeth." Ren grunts as he rubs his neck, revealing a crescent of red marks dotting his jugular.

"That's my fault, actually." Blake confesses as she helps her silent girlfriend to her feet. "I may have conditioned her to bite there when someone gets on top of her."

Oh.

"Oh." he whispers, immediately ceasing in his motions and blushing lightly.

Yang begins to claw at the severed strands of her hair. "A divorce." she mutters.

"You okay, sis?" I ask with concern. I'm not sure if I should keep my distance or move to her side.

"A divorce." she mutters again, still set upon the task of collecting her hair.

Blake sighs, placing her head in her hand. "If this is what I think it is-"

"MY MOTORCYCLE FOR A DIVOOORCE!" She screams into the air, throwing her white knuckled fists into the air and threatening to crush the handfuls of hair that she holds.

"Aaaw, you broke her!" Nora complains.

"Yang." Blake commands as she slaps her across the face, "Get over it."

"Aaargh, that's going to leave a mark." Yang groans as she drops her hair and rises up to her feet, rubbing her cheek. "Fine. Whatever." She feels her head again and asks, "Do I at least get pity sex?"

Blake slaps her again. "After all that you put me through, be grateful that I do not scalp you." She growls before throwing her arms around my sister and whispering three iconic words.

"Confound it, Yang."

* * *

A/N: There was a surprising lack of puns, considering the title.


End file.
